by Nicole Wright, CHt, NLPP
written June 30, 2014
We all hear it; that one in two marriages end in divorce. Articles are frequently being published referencing this statistical myth, and what we’re seeing in present day is a reduction in vows and increased co-habitation.
More and more couples are choosing to live together, buy homes together, and create families while remaining unmarried. The trend covered includes love for partner with reluctance for nuptials considering fear and stress of the falsely propagated and assumed likelihood of divorce. The TRUE stats are more aligned with 80% of marriages succeeding.
To achieve an accurate mathematical analysis, there are numerous factors to consider, which must be seen as the big picture, and isolated by part for the unique individual.
BELIEF SYSTEM
We all hear it; that one in two marriages end in divorce. Articles are frequently being published referencing this statistical myth, and what we’re seeing in present day is a reduction in vows and increased co-habitation.
More and more couples are choosing to live together, buy homes together, and create families while remaining unmarried. The trend covered includes love for partner with reluctance for nuptials considering fear and stress of the falsely propagated and assumed likelihood of divorce. The TRUE stats are more aligned with 80% of marriages succeeding.
To achieve an accurate mathematical analysis, there are numerous factors to consider, which must be seen as the big picture, and isolated by part for the unique individual.
BELIEF SYSTEM
In a religion or culture where divorce is disavowed, the divorce statistic as expected by extension is very low. I’ve commonly heard the immediate objective “well they just stay married because they have to”, which is false. In these communities, and even with arranged marriage, 80/20 remains true, although as the divorce piece is largely removed, it’s >80% satisfied and <20% dissatisfied. Persons commonly report that there have been ups and downs, and they’ve questioned staying together, but over time the relationship has only become stronger and more intimately rewarding.
AGE
AGE
The true statistics are clearly defined by age. “Those darn kids out there” who are marrying before the age of 25 increase their odds of divorce by double, a whopping 40%. In our present day culture, we might observe a year break to travel before college, then extended studies including graduate school, and achieving a certain career level prior to wedded bliss. 20’s are currently significant development years in our society with individuals coming into their own late in that life decade. Becoming unified with another prior to maturation lends to the “single again” in 30’s or 40’s we’re accustomed to. Divorcees reenter the dating world post first marriage with children, having grown apart from their partner. The coupling had occurred too soon, where even if focused on developing together, internal ideas on behalf of both persons were still evolving.
RACE/EDUCATION/INCOME
RACE/EDUCATION/INCOME
Bringing age into this as well, they are four strong determining elements that speak to much larger social/cultural issues which I am curious about, although that is for another article.
This group of differentials shows up in many an analysis, and the numbers are similar as broad applications.
Before the age of 25 and married in America is statistically ethnic, lower education level, lower income, high divorce. Please note that low income is significant motivation to pool resources.
That In stark contrast to the average adult today being handed their marriage certificate as a 27 year old female and 29 year old male, Caucasian, well educated, wealthy, nearly concrete in until death do you part. Please note that education is a leading factor in lastingness.
PARENTSOur own parents and grandparents are key in developing our individual ideas about marriage. Most significantly in the way we internalized their relationship during our critical development phase from zero to five years old. The way they were then, becomes an imprint which adults replicate as a behavior pattern, over and over in their life. The cognitive and emotional diagram can and does update with self-work by cleaning up any misconceptions and creating new beliefs.
POSITIVE EXTERNAL EXAMPLES
This group of differentials shows up in many an analysis, and the numbers are similar as broad applications.
Before the age of 25 and married in America is statistically ethnic, lower education level, lower income, high divorce. Please note that low income is significant motivation to pool resources.
That In stark contrast to the average adult today being handed their marriage certificate as a 27 year old female and 29 year old male, Caucasian, well educated, wealthy, nearly concrete in until death do you part. Please note that education is a leading factor in lastingness.
PARENTSOur own parents and grandparents are key in developing our individual ideas about marriage. Most significantly in the way we internalized their relationship during our critical development phase from zero to five years old. The way they were then, becomes an imprint which adults replicate as a behavior pattern, over and over in their life. The cognitive and emotional diagram can and does update with self-work by cleaning up any misconceptions and creating new beliefs.
POSITIVE EXTERNAL EXAMPLES
What we observe in our environment affects us. Individuals who references marriage and see the long-time unions of those they know, hold that model to be true. When they marry, their internal image is unification with partner they love for their life duration.
NEGATIVE EXTERNAL EXAMPLES
NEGATIVE EXTERNAL EXAMPLES
The reverse is likewise true. Individuals seeing divorce, revolving relationships, and inconsistencies in human relating, are prone to recreate this in their reality as well, and we see the divorce yield.
How did this myth get started?
In the 1970’s, a blank glance was taken at America’s entire number of annual marriages the year prior, and after subtracting that same annum’s divorces, doggedly proclaimed with determination that half of all marriages fail.
In graduate psychology at John Hopkins, that idea was explored to logical conclusion, relayed to me in 2005 by a doctorate in therapy. The 80/20 stats were accepted, with knowledge that 80% of people getting married stayed married.
It was a small group of “repeat offenders” as he called them, who were getting married three, four, and more times, which amplified the national generalized divorced ratio by assumption that uniform behavior was reenacted by all.
When we look at marriage and question repetition, we see:(a) Those who get married in late 20’s are likely to remain married.
(b) Those who married prior to maturation followed by divorce, who hold the core belief in longevity; we observe that their second marriage sticks.
Hats off to marriages working, because they do. The majority of married persons report levels of growth, feelings of satisfaction, and greater internal intimacy rewards than they ever could have imagined possible.
Here's to Love, as described by Dr. John Gottman, published in The Atlantic. "Active Positive", is the only form of relationship response, that allows for longevity, creating the dynamic where each interaction, builds, and enhances the connection. My parents embody this, as did their parents. They have been in-sync throughout the decades, as they actively and lovingly communicate, and devote time to the other. They're their own mind and personality, plus they renew their commitment, to invest in each other, many times each day. (They are absolutely adorable to me.) <3 Nicole
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nicole initially studied Applied Behavior Analysis through Janet & Bill Lishman
& Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking Clinical Training.
In 2010 she earned her Master's Diploma in therapy under Randal Churchill & Dr. Marlene Mulder.
ABOUT THE EXPERTS
How did this myth get started?
In the 1970’s, a blank glance was taken at America’s entire number of annual marriages the year prior, and after subtracting that same annum’s divorces, doggedly proclaimed with determination that half of all marriages fail.
In graduate psychology at John Hopkins, that idea was explored to logical conclusion, relayed to me in 2005 by a doctorate in therapy. The 80/20 stats were accepted, with knowledge that 80% of people getting married stayed married.
It was a small group of “repeat offenders” as he called them, who were getting married three, four, and more times, which amplified the national generalized divorced ratio by assumption that uniform behavior was reenacted by all.
When we look at marriage and question repetition, we see:(a) Those who get married in late 20’s are likely to remain married.
(b) Those who married prior to maturation followed by divorce, who hold the core belief in longevity; we observe that their second marriage sticks.
Hats off to marriages working, because they do. The majority of married persons report levels of growth, feelings of satisfaction, and greater internal intimacy rewards than they ever could have imagined possible.
Here's to Love, as described by Dr. John Gottman, published in The Atlantic. "Active Positive", is the only form of relationship response, that allows for longevity, creating the dynamic where each interaction, builds, and enhances the connection. My parents embody this, as did their parents. They have been in-sync throughout the decades, as they actively and lovingly communicate, and devote time to the other. They're their own mind and personality, plus they renew their commitment, to invest in each other, many times each day. (They are absolutely adorable to me.) <3 Nicole
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nicole initially studied Applied Behavior Analysis through Janet & Bill Lishman
& Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking Clinical Training.
In 2010 she earned her Master's Diploma in therapy under Randal Churchill & Dr. Marlene Mulder.
ABOUT THE EXPERTS
Michelle Garcia Winner | Founder & CEO Social Thinking • MA, CCC-SLP
Michelle Garcia Winner, MA, CCC-SLP, is the founder and CEO of Social Thinking and a globally recognized thought leader, author, speaker, and social-cognitive therapist. She is dedicated to helping people of all ages develop social emotional learning, including those with social learning differences. Across her 30-year career she has created numerous evidence-based strategies, treatment frameworks, and curricula to help interventionists develop social competencies in those they support. Michelle's work also teaches how social competencies impact people's broader lives, including their ability to foster relationships and their academic and career performance. She and her team continually update the Social Thinking® Methodology based on the latest research and insights they learn from their clients.
Marleen Mulder, MD, Maestro of Hypnotherapy & Vice President of American Council of Hypnotist Examiners.
Marleen Mulder, known as the Maestro of Hypnotherapy, is a State Approved Hypnotherapy Instructor and Vice President of the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners. She brought with her a vast background when she became Co-Director of the Hypnotherapy Training Institute in 1980. She was educated in the Netherlands at the University of Groningen Medical School and at a newly developed teachers college, Ubbo Emmius, Groningen, where she played an important role in the school administration. In the 1970's, she taught various forms of meditation and holistic healing in Europe and Japan. She has taught hypnotherapy at various training centers and symposiums on this continent and in Australia, New Zealand and Indonesia.
HTI's World-Renowned Hypnosis Instructors
Randal Churchill teaches at least half of each Hypnotherapy Certification program, and the other instructors of our internationally acclaimed staff are chosen with an uncompromising stand for high quality. Comments of former students about their remarkable work are posted under What Our Graduates Are Saying and profiles of their skills and experience are below.
"The Teacher of the Teachers"™
Randal Churchill has trained many of the leaders in the field. For example, a substantial number of our former students have written significant books about hypnotherapy, psychology, counseling and healing. Many have been featured teachers at International Hypnotherapy Conferences. Many of the primary instructors of state-licensed hypnotherapy schools in the United States were trained directly by us, and other instructors have been trained by some of our graduates.
Also, Randal Churchill's cutting edge teaching texts are being used and recommended by many hypnotherapy teachers, psychotherapists, counselors and hypnotherapists around the world.
The Hypnotherapy Training Institute has thousands of graduates, the largest alumni of any hypnotherapy school. In addition, we have given advanced training to thousands of hypnotherapists at various schools and International Hypnotherapy Conferences.
Gaye Wilson Gibson, a Clinical Hypnotherapist since 1996, is also an RN with a Masters Degree in Psychology. She has been on the board of directors of The American Council of Hypnotist Examiners and a popular instructor at many International Hypnotherapy Conferences. With 27 years of a highly successful practice, a specialty is taking EFT-based therapy further with her two-phased Emotional Balancing Process. Her expertise includes parts therapy, hypnosis for first aid, surgery preparation and post-surgery support.
Lyn Moreno, CCHt, has taught at the Hypnotherapy Training Institute since 1992. He demonstrates his signature Crossroads Therapy, hypnotherapy skills for grief, his Sun Passage process, and the relevance to hypnotherapy of insights and practices of Hawaiian traditions.
Patricia Reynolds Sorbye, CCHt, is the Chair of the Board of Directors of the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners. She brings a wealth of clinical hypnotherapeutic experience of client transformations from her thousands of private sessions since 2004. Her expertise includes early planning of productive session work, deep emotional clearing regression and how to conduct remote sessions.
Cheryl Canfield, CCHt and Wellness Counselor since 1993, is an extraordinary instructor with a wide wange of expertise. Her award-winning book Profound Healing, about her inspiring recovery from advanced cancer, is valuable for therapists and others for her deep insights on physical, emotional and spiritual healing. This book has received rave reviews from Joseph Chilton Pearce, Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss and Gerald Jampolsky. Cheryl is also co-author of the new book Churchill-Canfield’s Law and the editor of several major hypnotherapy texts.
