Professional Path With Heart & Equity in Relationships
by Nicole Wright
November 13, 2022
NOTE: All links enclosed are research references and tools available for general use.
When I was ready to exit my company as a CEO, it was after three years of providing service (giving). It wasn't about the company - it was about other things that were personal preferences: peace (vs. attention), joy (for me this comes with solitude & the beauty of nature/Tao), individual development.
It's important for me to feel supported, and at ease. Similar to how I was raised, in a loving family, where my mom and dad are more in love every year, and both work together with real estate investments. They're a team. Everyone is equal. Everyone contributes. (They're adorable! I feel grateful for their love, collaboration, and what they taught me.)
ACT ONE ...........................................................................................
I was with a long-term boyfriend at the time, who wanted different things than I did. My parents are so respectful, that honestly, I didn't know what I was dealing with, with him, until after the fact, when I talked to a LMFT relationship coach, curious about how to sort, chunk-up/down, discard. Wondering which signs I'd missed from having "not known" what certain elements of behavior meant.
I like people who are different than me, and I like to learn. However I will never again make the error of being with someone who is on a different page about core values, or about what I want and need for me, as an individual. I felt unsupported, and this creates "weight". In order to accomplish successful "change-work" and corporate growth; when the person or company is healthy, and their problem fails to be a pattern, then it can instead be about accumulated "resistance".
SOLUTION: Let go of all things that are no longer serving. That which fails to be neutral; that which takes time, energy, and creates "drag" (vs. lift). [1]
This concept is concrete; in (i) physics it is the structure of matter. It's taught in (ii) sales when your close cycle is too long. It's also taught by a (iii) Zen Koan, where the Owner sweeps out seven devils, and is relieved. But s/he neglected to fill in the now empty space with what they desired, and so, the seven devils returned, but this time they brought their friends, and there was even more havoc [to be swept out again]....
I couldn't solve the problem that my partner had different desires than me. This created resistance. Because I had many tools, support was built around it (yet, never resolved, it grew). This wasn't like Noah, my brother with Asperger's, who has a genius IQ (he's about two standard deviations above normal intellect), and actually DOES "get" social situations, if it's explained to him in the way he needs. (Loving him, made me so grateful for my ABA training.) With the 2010-2013 relationship, it wasn't an aspect, that "love", could solve. Emotion kept the relationship going. E-mote. E-motion. Emotion drives us, and creates forward momentum. [2]
Yet, love alone is not enough for a healthy symbiotic relationship. It's not enough for a healthy company, either. (The majority of corporate problems, are people problems.)
Change Work & Spring/Fall Cleaning are good things. Removing areas of drag, to create lift, are good things.
SIDEBAR: Attraction is based on opposites. Longevity is based on homogeneity. Loosely, an even mix of the two, when both people have the same values and lifestyle goals, is the beginning of good indications for a pair.
If you extend this to corporate hiring, then you do want people who are different, as multi-cultural workplaces can provide varying perspectives and insight into excellence, broadening a companies capabilities. You also definitely should require values match (i.e. The Golden Rule). It's never worth it, to make a hire that has different or opposing beliefs when it comes to values in action. THINK: Capital Riot Terrorist, Kyle Fitzsimons (KKK & Proud Boys) - for an extreme but real-world right-now example. [3]
Dr. John Gottman has the highest rate of predicting relationship success, and this is also simple: loving kindness. Responding to bids for attention, and affirmation, with love and positivity. This means: both in your partner's presence; and also when they're not there. What you think and say about them to others, matters. [4, 5]
**Exactly like Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and how her husband spoke of, and supported her.** [6]
Whether about your love partner, or a colleague, what you think, what you say, and how you behave, makes a world of difference. Don't believe it? Try this experiment. [7]
People are intuitive (even those with some denseness). We know, whether sub/consciously, how other people are feeling, as well as their thoughts and attitudes towards us. The cleanest way to navigate this, is to be honest and congruent inside (your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, all match); while being eusocial and compassionate, on the outside. THINK: "Never criticize, condemn, nor complain." - Dale Carnegie [8]
ACT TWO ...........................................................................................
Support and being on the same team is crucial for success. I have refused to make that mistake that I did 2010-2013, again. Besides that social component (values & trajectory mismatch), with him, I wanted growth, for me. I couldn't see a path forward as a CEO, for me. I couldn't see a career as a Therapist, utilizing my Master's diploma. (The practitioners I respected, were MD's, and that felt like it would have been another decade of struggle, if I embarked.) MBA and JD were closer fits, but not exactly what I wanted.
What I really actually wanted for myself, was to travel, consult for small business, write, public speak. To me it was simple. I envisioned an unembellished life. Doing excellent things, that I had heard and observed brilliant colleagues and mentors, over the years, doing. In part research, in part consulting. Something different than many I knew, and also, very specific, for me.
I began looking for examples of people who were doing things that I was interested in; doing them well; and earning well. It was somewhat hard for me to find examples, at first. It took me a while, to build some practical diagrams. [9]
The first few years after exiting my company, I still had investments closing. During that time-period, people claiming that they were doing what I was attracted to, approached me, but after query, under-the-hood, they were not. It was a lot of sales and marketing tactics, that I could see through. It seemed unfortunate to me, that people would engage in business like that. Transparent, legal, ethical, honest, healthy, is always the precursor for me. After that, it's about mutual match.
You never have to sell, if you're being honest & relationship building.
When I finally decided what I wanted, I could have called my old friends and colleagues, and just made it happen. I was curious though, about how people do it, from the ground up. At the onset, I thought I'd write about the process, and ended up not having time with that schedule. I do need challenges from time to time, but this time, I made it too hard. It was a bit intense, moving to three remote places, and playing a game, of starting from scratch. Not using my education, nor any awards, nor showing my press portfolio. It took longer to get started and gain traction. It was fascinating "anthropological" research and field studies to me. Eventually, things did get going. (Not like how Grant Cardone made things happen; I was more like the Turtoise, who won the marathon over the Hare.) [10, 11]
ACT THREE ...........................................................................................
Then, when I'd established myself, and was preparing to scale, I paused. I talked to the LMFT, who had sold her in-demand Southern California company. She didn't know why I was holding back. So we talked about it, and went over various threat assessments, that I needed for my "CFO Due Diligence" req's. When I felt complete with those, I was ready. [12, 13]
What happened next, 2020-2022, is indescribable, for the purpose of this article. Three major things came together, and so much happened. When the SWOT Analysis' kept on resorting back to what was anthropological, observable, measurable; this awareness - created something that was much bigger than I was. The words of Monk Soken, who I sat with when I was a CEO, kept coming back to me: "Order Is As Simple As This Dot." [14]
This phrase, has been my slogan since July. I've been reigning in chaos; creating order for just under a dozen entities. It's nearly automated, and closed.
While traveling, I've shifted in and out, of focusing on myself and my goals, to being empathetic to others, or engaging in the behaviors of yielding service to them (depending on whether it's expert consulting, or instead providing time to fulfill their short-term need(s)). The natural part of myself, that does not think, but just acts, is more the Perceiver. This is why graduate school was easy (and why I picked the program I did). It was mostly innate. Business consulting, however, is both more practical, and advanced with decades of training. I'm better at it. I think I just wanted to consult with more of my heart, and bridge the two in traditional business settings, where you don't see people acting that way very often. [15]
I believe that emotion drives all of us, and that we all want what feels good. How we interpret that, well, there are at least 8 Billion ways. [16]
........................................................................................................................................
PART TWO: PROFESSIONS WITH HEART & RESOURCES
The process of learning is: (1) Unconscious Incompetence, (2) Conscious Incompetence, (3) Conscious Competence, (4) Unconscious Competence. Education & Love are behaviors and principles that do work. Thoughtful, committed, citizens, can make a difference. You can too. This video from Dr. Joe Dispenza, includes neuroscience and strategies for learning, change work, and manifestation. [17]
TOOLS FOR CHANGE-WORK
In Neuro-Linguistics, Dr. Bandler advises NOT to consult by yourself on yourself. He jokes that if you do, the moon made of swiss cheese will be what your personal "plan" ends up looking like. A different reference, could be akin to how performance athletes train. They need a coach. [18, 19]
More relevant though, is with all children, and also professional adults that are Gifted. There can always be an element of complexity, which is what the gifted mind wants to dive into, until they make it simple, and produce a new discovery. It can feel "thick" during the process. But if they know how to "train", then they also should know how to "manage" their schedule, expectations, stamina, throughout the journey. Taking it in stride. Feeling joy daily. [20]
This, is the melodrama and juiciness of any good person, who wants something better, and is willing to put in the work.
Like Goldilocks and The Three Bears, sometimes it is about the right bed. Sometimes though, that's a smokescreen, and the obvious is being ignored.
Nothing is a riddle. The subconscious mind knows what is relevant, and will accept what it relates to or needs to grasp. When it's complete, you get the "light-bulb" feeling.
EDUCATION, EXPERIENCE, SMB CONSULTING
Half a decade ago, I had been curious about Zen practitioners who are business coaches and consultants. I find them very attractive, but not as appealing as those from Ivy League.
If you are already an expert in your field, you can consult. If you're not, but want to be, then apprenticeships, trade school, certificates, diplomas, degree programs, are important - when they're combined with work-experience and references. As to Ivy League, every school globally, posts stats about their graduation & employment rates, as well as other areas they measure. The school you attend, should (a) have the right program, (b) be in the right area for you, and (c) be connected to people in your chosen field, where you respect their accomplishments. (Even if this means relocating to a geographical area that is innovating.) In the end, a, b, c, will be more useful, therefore more meaningful, to you.
With technology advancements and virtualization, Ivy League & Big Ten have made courses accessible, for literally anyone. Select classes can be audited, for free. This could be an option, if you want to feel out your fit. Otherwise, I met a Construction Owner in Lake Tahoe who was under 1/4M annual revenues. He had a degree. But due to his environment, he felt that it wasn't something he needed. He was a proponent of Trade Schools, and expert professionals earning $100K to $1M a year, through focusing on their specialized craft. [21, 22]
If you're already past the above mentioned in your personal process, but not quite ready to hire a coach, you are welcome to obtain FREE expert advice, from both SBA & Score Mentor (score.org). Or, purchase a $9.99 self-study course on How-To-Launch, from an e-learning platform. [23, 24]
SMALL BUSINESS INCUBATORS
I was curious about values & heart in co-working, for more than a decade. In Q3 of this year, I had largely decided to put this on my No List, for Financial Service providers. However, this month, an old and dear friend, introduced me to co-working spaces that actually do have heart, and healthy ethical ecosystems.
When you're ready to close the door after you've cleaned house, you're either going to feel so much lighter and free when it's closed; or otherwise after you've discarded all that you've needed to; that which is left, the good parts, like the rich fat of butter, will solidify at the top. (I'm still in the camp recommending private office & security when working in finance, accounting, tax.)
Need a recommendation in this area? Connect with SBA to find local assistance and referrals for trusted incubators and commercial space. [25]
SMALL BUSINESS NETWORKING
Sharing what you do, making yourself known, connecting with like minded entrepreneurs, and asking for help, are all good things. This source, summarizes reputable organizations that can help your business grow. Of the ten, I've utilized Chamber of Commerce, Network After Work, LinkedIn, all with excellent results. I've been invited to Rotary, BNI, and hold respect for these groups and their commitment to ethics and excellence. Additional resources include Meetup, as well as those suggested by any school you attended, and/or your local church. Feel free to also explore organizations you may be eligible to join, by way of their established referral partnerships, through your insurance company, and/or local wholesale membership (like Costco, Sam's Club). [26-32]
........................................................................................................................................
PART THREE: "NO" IS A GOOD WORD
POSITIONS & COMPANIES TO AVOID
Avoid roles, positions, "opportunities", that fail to pay you for your time, from the start. Avoid companies with unlawful structures. Say "NO" to sales, marketing, and recruiting practices, that are predatory. [33, 34]
Unlawful entities, always face investigations, indictments, and criminal convictions. Period. It's just a matter of time. These companies, and the people operating them, have legal and/or criminal histories. They are also well versed in when it's time for them to relocate their headquarters, move to virtual, or re-brand.
MLM ILLEGALITIES
Please forgive me in advance if this comes across as criticizing or condemning. It's legal/mathematical to me. Like, Canada is North of USA and Mexico is South. Got it?! (I.e. your compass will tell you the right direction; unless you're in the Bermuda Triangle....)
On my quest for business with heart, I interviewed several "owners", who actively engage in MLM's. They hate that acronym, and refute it. They call it Direct Sales, or Direct to Consumer instead, or other synonyms. They also call themselves "partners", "investors". The participants I met through work events, and got to know over time, I like very much, as people. As to the business model, sorry not sorry. It's illegal. Attorney General Derek Schmidt, provides a good summary. [35, 36]
Companies are required to pay you for time and materials. If it's their brand, and you buy in, you're purchasing ownership of a Franchise. [37]
To buy into a sales or marketing role, is against the law (unless you're already an expert consultant or this checklist complies). [38]
When it comes to MLM's, if you're asked to "invest", and put money down for a 1099 role where you "own" your "book of business", this is an illegal pyramid scheme.
..........................................................................................................................
PART FOUR: DUE DILIGENCE
Trust your intuition & complete your due diligence, thoroughly in entirety. You can look up more information on a company website: Terms, Legal, Sitemap. You can ask their customer service to view any legal docs. You can ask someone in management direct financial questions. You can even ask them if you can take notes or record the conversation. If you come from a place of curiosity, and are direct about what you want to know, while keeping it simple and on-point, you often will be able to get your questions answered.
You can research any entity, utilizing trusted regulated sources: Court Clerk. Secretary of State. Attorney General. FTC. SEC. Insurance.ca.gov. etc. [39-43]
IN CONTRAST, unregulated resources and peer-to-peer review sites, not responsible for, generally fail to provide, due-diligence.
- NO for aggregate websites, like Spokeo, TruthFinder, BeenVerified. Nothing against them specifically. Their business model utilities web crawlers to data mine, which they compile on their site(s). What they post, is an unverified assimilation from their spiders. They're essentially marketing companies, that sell a pay-per-use or subscription model. If you read their terms, it's illegal to utilize information they've compiled, to make a decision. To remove any perceived bias, feel free to view their DO list, of what their service is good for. [44]
- As to peer-to-peer review sites, that is the topic for a different expose. In short, reviews can be (1) REAL: (i) from organic growth; and (ii) from specific requests of owners, asking their customer's support them. (2) REAL OR FAKE: from paid lead acquisition. Depending on how this is done, (i) it can be a legal strategy utilizing outsourced marketing companies and in-house ethical sales representatives. (ii) If their agreement is with an unscrupulous organization or (iii) through the Black Market, then, it's orchestrated criminal fraud. (3) FAKE: (i) fake from ex-romantic partner(s); (ii) fake from ex-business partners; (iii) fake from ex-employees; (iv) fake from a real customer, who has a fraudulent, defamatory, fictional lie to promote (lies by omission, commission, influence) https://bc.ctvnews.ca/b-c-company-wins-defamation-case-against-customer-who-posted-bad-google-yelp-reviews-1.6050646. (v) Fake from the aforementioned real customer's promotion and recruitment of others to join in; (vi) fake from competitors and targeted libel campaigns. https://kellywarnerlaw.com/business-defamation-unfair-competition [45, 46]
EUSOCIAL & GOODNESS WINS IN THE END
I believe, that healthy people, communities, and companies, outweigh fringe groups & harmful practices. I believe, in values in action, flow-state, and that good always prevails. Sometimes we just have to change the time span. In the end, what is true and what is good, is what is there (when the wind blows and the smoke-screen clears). [47, 48]
NEED HELP?
BBB. Elliot Report. FTC. Attorney General. DOJ. [49, 50, 51, 52, 53]
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Wright is a 23-year non-CPA Accountant having held titles of Financial Controller, Tax Accountant, Consultant, for annual revenue companies 4M-200M. 2010-2012, she held title of CEO. In 2010, she earned her Master's Diploma in Therapy & currently holds credentials in therapy & neuro-linguistics. She is a member of Society of Professional Journalists.
REFERENCES
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drag_(physics) Physics
- https://www.socialthinking.com Applied Behavior Analysis
- https://www.justice.gov/usao-dc/pr/maine-man-found-guilty-felony-and-misdemeanor-charges-related-capitol-breach Terrorist Kyle Fitzsimons
- https://www.gottman.com Dr. John Gottman
- https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573 Gottman, The Atlantic, Loving Kindness
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RBG_(film) Justice Ginsburg
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3156028 NCBI Loving Kindness
- https://www.dalecarnegie.com Dale Carnegie
- https://www.pcmag.com/news/10-free-data-visualization-tools Diagrams
- https://www.amazon.com/Undercover-Billionaire-Season-2/dp/B091J1WPJL Grant Cardone
- https://read.gov/aesop/025.html The Hare & The Tortoise
- https://www.dhs.gov/publication/threat-assessment-and-management-teams Threat Assessments
- https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/valuation/due-diligence-checklist-i-banking Due Diligence Checklists
- https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/swot.asp SWOT Analysis
- https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/judging-or-perceiving.htm Myers Briggs
- https://www.worldometers.info/world-population current World Population
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwrkOWUt5Mg Dispenza
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au4oZf2OSyU Dr Bandler, Do Well
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRxtLrKjUDc Dr. Bandler, Learning
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twice_exceptional Gifted
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivy_League Ivy League
- https://btaa.org/about Big Ten
- https://www.sba.gov/local-assistance SBA Counseling & Training
- https://www.score.org/find-mentor SCORE Mentors
- https://www.sba.gov/local-assistance/find SBA find local assistance
- https://www.insureon.com/blog/best-small-business-groups-for-networking Small Business Networking
- https://www.uschamber.com Chamber of Commerce
- https://networkafterwork.com Network After Work
- https://www.linkedin.com LinkedIn
- https://www.rotary.org/en Rotary
- https://www.bni.com BNI
- https://www.meetup.com Meetup
- https://www.oxfordbibliographies.com/view/document/obo-9780195396607/obo-9780195396607-0308.xml MLM Scams
- https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/attachments/penalty-offenses-concerning-money-making-opportunities/mmo-notice.pdf Penalties & Offenses
- https://search.justice.gov/search?query=multi-level+marketing&op=Search&affiliate=justice MLM Convictions
- https://ag.ks.gov/in-your-corner-kansas/your-money/what-are-pyramid-schemes-and-why-are-they-illegal# Pyramid Schemes
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franchising Franchise
- https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/worker-classification-101-employee-or-independent-contractor IRS W2 v 1099
- https://www.sos.ca.gov/business-programs/business-entities Secretary of State
- https://oag.ca.gov Attorney General
- https://www.ftc.gov Federal Trade Commission
- https://www.sec.gov/edgar/searchedgar/companysearch Securities & Exchange Commission
- https://www.insurance.ca.gov Insurance Commissioner
- https://www.beenverified.com/about/dos-donts Verified Do's & Don'ts
- https://bc.ctvnews.ca/b-c-company-wins-defamation-case-against-customer-who-posted-bad-google-yelp-reviews-1.6050646 Defamation
- https://kellywarnerlaw.com/business-defamation-unfair-competition Unfair Competition
- https://www.viacharacter.org Values In Action
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xnbUT3rOvQ Flow State
- https://www.bbb.org Better Business Bureau
- https://elliottadvocacy.org/help Elliot Report, Get Help
- https://reportfraud.ftc.gov FTC Report Fraud
- https://oag.ca.gov Attorney General
- https://www.justice.gov/criminal-fraud/report-fraud DOJ
PEER-TO-PEER REVIEWS, POST CONVICTION, RE-BRANDS AS YELP
The company, Yelp, I wrote an article about a decade ago, after interviewing an employee under NDA, wanting to know about a pattern I was researching, regarding defamation happening to select small businesses. The employee admitted the company was dishonest. It wasn't until a year later, that I connected the dots regarding a small-claims lawsuit, that the Vice President, had lost. There was a second lawsuit filed in the same city, where the Vice President, had been accused of a Vehicle Ramming Attack, against a woman he had been harassing. GROVE V MCKIE. Then, in 2022, I discovered that Yelp was a re-brand. Their former company had been indicted and convicted, by an Attorney General in the early 2000's, for fraudulent reviews.
https://webapps.sftc.org/ci/CaseInfo.dll?CaseNum=CGC07468990&SessionID=90DED8121F93693E90A6AA90EC745DBD2FBC8ADB
PEER-TO-PEER NETWORKING, NXIVM, AN MLM
NXIVM, an MLM personal development company, utilized a hybrid of approaches, combining modalities of peer-to-peer networking, an education framework, their pyramid of professional growth, in addition to philosophical chassis combining generally accepted principles, healthy concepts, mixed with manipulation, coercion, fraud and abuse. They ended up being classified as a cult by experts, and criminal traffickers by The Department of Justice.
Having turned in a Threat Actor who was involved in the Anthem Blue Cross Data Breach, when I was completing my due diligence for government reporting, he was associated with Clare Bronfman, convicted of Identity Theft, Racketeering, Trafficking, and the organization that NXIVM re-branded as.
The leaders of MLM's, are seasoned con-artists. They do what they do, over and over. When their crimes become too hot, they re-brand. They're in every metropolitan area in America. Better to walk away.
https://www.justice.gov/usao-edny/pr/nxivm-executive-board-member-clare-bronfman-sentenced-81-months-prison-identity-theft
