I was struck with how he had broken down and reassimilated change [work], summarizing it as: "Panic, Adaptation, New Normal, and then Wouldn’t Go Back."
For months now, when asked about my next steps, of course I know inside (we all do). I am trained in confidentiality, protecting the corporation, our assests; I know better than to tell people my next steps. (There is something very interesting to me about the TONALITY of the statement I just made. Tony Robbins advises to "tell everyone". There is a distinction. (i) You should tell people what you are offering. (ii) I believe you should refrain from sharing your next steps until they have materialized and are secure. (It's about strategy, discretion, safety, protecting your IP. )
When queried, I will either tell a cute story or hesitate (deflect). The only part I have been comfortable saying aloud to others is: now that I know what I know, I can never go back [to the way it was before].
"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
If you wanted a short musing before moving on to your next task, you can stop reading here. If you'd like to join me on a journey similar to The Little Prince, feel free to continue below.
I saw this flower on my walk, and it reminded me of the Rose in The Little Prince. Jason Merchant gave me that book in 2014, and I loved it and him. It has been years now, and whenever I think about the version of him that I knew then (Deepak Chopra views the physical body more like a verb - in action - with the ability to heal and shift and change), I always smile with philia, the greek word for intimate, authentic, friendship.
While Merchant is a real person, I believe in archetypes when story-telling, and in change-work. Merchant is who is he. To me, I appreciate his character (his ethics and morals); and I value the way I was inspired when I knew him.
Merchant wanted to change the world. At the time, I was working on my small part in contributing to people feeling better (I was still doing therapy consulting) & economic empowerment (I had invested in co-working). He was working on a water project and solar project, as well as continuing his art, where he has drawn for Pixar, iPhone, more. He also was a self-taught developer, and simply brilliant. He was doing work for major companies and eliciting 6 figures for a website. He was so FAST. His exceptional world class quality plus SPEED that he produced results, blew me away.
I am different than him. I am slow and methodical with the things I enjoy doing, and like taking my time to make it great (as this is where I gain pleasure). (Things that are easy and fast for me, are not as much fun.) When I do business consulting for VC, then yes, I absolutely factor speed in and have gotten much praise for delivering best in class results at a fraction of the time. That work, pays well, but doesn't feel as good to me. I like the projects. I like the results and what I can do personally after a project. The work/life balance during a project hasn't existed before, and so I am reluctant with this type of work. I ended up choosing a career for myself in something essential, that many did not know how to do, or did not want to do, that was intimidating, that paid me very well, and afforded quality of life. This career also allows me much freedom in saying yes or no, and scaling. It's personal. It's not how you run a business. It's how an artist or creative engages in their craft. Mine is just more serious. As for how to run a company, yes, in this area, I periodically invest, and then yes, the rules apply. Taking the earnings from my profession, and investing, I treat the investments as VC's taught me; that area of work is highly rewarding.
Jason Merchant came into my life after I had over-invested. I was using the project model I had used for consulting, for my investments. Only with consulting projects, I had long breaks to recharge. Whereas with long-term investment projects, I hadn't built in enough balance nor time to recharge. So what do you think happened?
Burn-out, athletic adrenal fatigue; pretty much the normal things high achievers who fail to build in balance and are also over-training get. I worked with MD's for performance engineering, exited many of my investments (which many investors I met down the line later, criticized me for closing profitable brands and income streams - but my life and my health is more important than any of that. Period. I also had already done change management consulting and backed myself into a corner that was uncomfortable with one investment. The other investments - I honestly wasn't motivated to keep showing up - and this is what you get if you (a) invest in something you don't know enough about, (b) aren't interested in, or otherwise what related to me (c) adrenals - so I closed them.
It was slightly painful. Somewhat costly. But in the end - it was the right choice for me at the time. I gained immesurable freedom.
I began traveling, and met Merchant at a hostel (which at the time I enjoyed so much more than Four Seasons - seriously - alone at your swanky hotel or surrounded by vibrant Adventurers? You choose.) One secret strategy that I use fairly often, is to allow people to project. This is super helpful in interviews. I usually use it as a personal screening tool. If I want to go deeper with someone, it's going to be someone who actually can see me clearly. Merchant looked at me, and his eyes were knowing, insightful. He could clearly see two internal archetypes that I play in sometimes, which many other people cannot: Siddhartha & The Little Prince. I liked that he saw me. (We all want to be seen clearly; and I think this is the simplest gift you can give to most people, if you're able to.) I asked him questions, and he was quiet. It took time to draw him out. I liked that he was self-preserved. When he did speak, as he chose his words carefully, they meant more. When he got to his comfort zone, and spoke about the things he loved, he talked about astronomy & physics, mathematics & engineering, and details about that which he was interested in that only a prodigy would be able to describe in such a way. My ears were delighted. I was in heaven. I used to call him when I was doing space renovations and just listen to his voice on the other end, filling my mind with the most beautiful scientific things I could imagine.
No matter which kind of love, eros, philia, storge, agape, I read from a relationship therapist that women fall in love between the ears, and I believe it. For me it is the tone (pitch, quality, strength), as well as tempo, pace. It also has to do with honesty, respect, and heart.
I find this true, for me, that the act of listening and talking, changes things; when getting to know new people, for business formation.
I knew what I was doing for me, when I was traveling, but I had never stated it aloud until Merchant took the time to get to know me, and we both drew each other out from our private internal sanctuaries, by going deeper. This also, is a gentle yet profound gift, that one person can give to another.
Merchant had made several suggestions for me, which I wasn't ready for at the time. I was acutely aware, later on, which bids he had made of me, to which I said no, but that my internal heart had said yes. Later on I ended up accomplishing each of those bids, by myself, because I wanted to. This is one example of the power of influence. Only with Merchant and me specifically, we both had made a great selection as to match - where we both wanted the same things. The way he wanted to do things, and the way I felt comfortable based on past experience, was the disconnect. Like Professional Cycling. I'll come back to this.
There are excellent NLP tools which are highly beneficial in business, negotiating, and for performance teams, which help people to realign to a common goal when they get off track. Almost always, people report greater happiness for coming together again. To divide or to congeal? My take is like Ghee. Pick high quality ingredients, cook, strain, then congeal. One bad apple does spoil the barrel. Choose good things. Choose good people. Do the work. Congeal with what is excellent.
When I began traveling as a lifestyle 2013-2014, "how you do anything is how you do everything". I take the Myers-Briggs "Perceiver" approach (my natural state), and want to see and touch and taste everything, and assume that everyone is good, and like attracts like. (I also have everything locked, protected, faraday, security, etc.) I was rocking in my "P", until it moved from the subconsious feeling/knowing, into the conscious knowing, which is the verbal lobe, and this happened around The Little Prince. Once I consciously knew what I was doing, and had a language to describe it to others, then I became much more discriminating, and was able to shift. The shift allowed me to move into a place that was more centered and strategic, focusing on business more, while still feeling that my need for exploration was being fulfilled. And so I began to do different types of business work, and travel in an even better way, for me.
In 2017 came a big divide, instead of congeal. It was over a few things, but for the purpose of this specific article, those points were about business and travel. And this is the call back to cycling.
Merchant had such a beautiful history, and such trust. We perhaps may have been equally similar as opposite. With the things we had different perspectives on, we each knew, from our experience, and I could give him my faith based on my trust for him in business. But with travel, I could not. Part of me wished I could, but then I would think about cycling, and no way, no way could I travel like he wanted me to travel.
A decade before, I was at UC Berkeley and had ditched my car and was cycling as a commuter. A couple years later I ended up dating a man who had been on the USA Cycling Team. What had been 3 miles, eventually became, for me, trips from San Francisco to Marin and back. Also longer commutes with 16 mile cycling days and 100 mile minimum weeks. I am an athlete. I competed through college. (Did county leagues after.) I know the 3 hour training days, and extra weight classes, extra nutrition, extra coaching, doing whatever it takes to win. For one school, we did win, State. In college, because I had a history of being injury free, I got over-confident and injured myself. I waited two months, made the same mistake, and next had to take more than double that time off to heal. So what does this mean? To me, it means if you want to win, you consult with the expert. If you want to protect the asset (in this case, you), you train correctly, do supportive rest, care, and LISTEN to the experts, as well as listen to your body. When I started cycling beyond commuting, I bought a new professional bicycle. One that was light enough for me to easily carry up and down three flights of stairs by myself (I'm a tiny size 2). I had experienced a flat tire while commuting, and never wanted that to happen in a remote area, so purchased self-healing tires, as well as mini bike repair kit, that was small, light, and had everything I needed. I bought a professional speedometer, to measure and track. I bought the right clothes, so that I could cycle in comfort and with ease. I had to eat differently, to support my energy on long rides. Because I already KNEW how to cycle well, but did not know how to cycle as well as Mr. USA Cycling Team, I asked him questions, and I learned. The end result is that I KNEW, kinesthetically, and mentally with confidence, that anything unexpected thrown at me during a ride of up to 32 miles, I could handle. And I did. Preparation = Prevention. It also creates CONFIDENCE, EASE, as well as SUCCESS.
I traveled 2013-2014 as my natural "P", soaking it all up. The Little Prince brought awareness, and so I shifted into the temperment that a person who knows what they are doing uses, for 2014-2016. I actually even had taken the time to write it all down (which I've since discarded those notes), of the ratio of success and failure I experienced as a traveler, as well as SWOT Analysis. Things you have to prepare for, like what happens if you run into a Credit Card Skimmer when you're in a different state or country? (Solution: my bank advised me never to enter my PIN; I always have multiple back-up options now as well; and I know who to contact at the FTC and local police.) 2016 I invested. 2018 I invested again. 2020-2021 I traveled and upgraded. I noticed my previous "perfected" system from 2016 wasn't working for me in the way I wanted anymore, and so I adapted and created some new systems that saved me countless hours during transitions, where I was able to delight in delicious photography, and other joys I wanted to experience.
CAREER & PERSONAL EXPANSION
The career I ended up choosing in my youth, was the right career for the quality of lifestyle I wanted. It created connections with those who are excellent in business. The project work was intense but significant. The time off, I got to do what I love: travel, photography, write.
Once expanded, one cannot go back. Or they can, but the quality / tonality of what was known before, now seems different. Nature and people and purpose seem different to me too. Knowing that I had already pre-chosen "to go back", I simply supplement, meditate, and take some "me" time after any stressful or intense project - to feel fully supported. The supplementation also, to me, makes everyday things seem more meaningul. That was my intent.
I have a dreamer inside who thinks she wants something different. This part of me is fulfilled when I travel, with my camera, when I write. I'm such a traditionalist about security, that I haven't been able to leave behind the salary of what I do for work, and instead, have been doing journalism, reporting, writing in my free time. (Now, if an editor or publisher could show me the business model of how creative careers work, then I could start to wrap my mind around it.)
CAREER & PERSONAL DREAMS - FOR EVERYONE
Here is what I DO KNOW about creatives and creative work. I had been invited to an author's reading (link to photos) in Los Angeles, and met Lily Tomlin.
I spoke with some of the other celebrities at the reading as well, asking them various questions that I thought they might want to be asked, that would make them feel good, and if appropriate, I asked some questions which I wanted to know for my own research.
I was mesmerized, delighted, and honored, to be in the presence of Tomlin, a woman who is one of the most exceptional talents in the world.
I asked her, when was it that she knew what she wanted to be?
She told me that she had known she had wanted to be an actress since she was 7 years old on her front porch. Her pitch changed pleasantly upward when she spoke, and her eyes looked up and to my right, remembering. Her lips smiled, in a way where I knew she was experiencing dopamine through remembering.
After speaking with Lily Tomlin, I felt convinced, that anyone who wants to do something, if they stick at it long enough, they will succeed, period. I felt that way, in part due to her grounded conviction and knowledge in her own abilities, as well as from what I could observe about the support structure specifically around her. The other massive talent in the room, they were all successful as well, each in their own right, and each at their own scale.
For the majority of people, talent is not enough and it's not key to achievement.
Now, Inherent Talent matters - the things that you are good at and might not even know; the skills that other people see you doing regularly, that you do without even thinking.
Gifted Talent, can only get people to a certain point, and they need to have appropriate temperament, discipline, structure, contacts, a set of working behaviors, as well as desire, to continue on.
A special subset of Gifted Talent, is Twice Exceptional, where I am a 2e kid, and this population I identify with is meaningful to me. I absolutely adore 2e kids. When you give them what they need, and are able to draw them out in a way that feels safe, they are truly remarkable individuals, brilliant beyond measure, and able to make such huge strides and contributions to humanity. Einstein was 2e. (His great-grandmother is in my family tree; before our trees split; I really like him.) A portion of my teens and twenties was learning strategies on how to overcome anything, and creating supportive structures to succeed. I relied on some structures, until I no longer needed them. I got into epigenetics, performance engineering, and high-dose intravenious vitamin therapy (Dr. Linus Pauling), and with MD help, I was able to "turn-off" one gene that had been giving me trouble through genetic testing and changes to diet. The end result, for me, is that I can fit into any work group (whereas before, when I had been working on getting to personal automation, I felt like I needed to discriminate more). Of course, 2e individuals usually thrive in gifted environments and with others who are 2e. But even so, 2e kids a lot of the time aren't necessarily into talent; for many it's about structure, safety, thriving, and also being a part of something they're highly interested in.)
If you're not talented, gifted, nor 2e, if you are willing to do something, and willing to do it in a way that is Above Average, Great, or Excellent, if you stick with it long enough, then you will also succeed. You'll succeed by duration, as over time others will age out or transition out. You'll also succeed through repetition, as you'll get stronger, wiser, better, over time.
SUMMARY
I think it's all scalable. Life, work, travel, excellence.
I think everything can work, if you want it to. If you work, it will, either sooner or later.
(That is a "chunked-up" perspective or generalization. It's a little bit like the Movie Triangle of Time - Money - Quality. If we were to chunk-down, then I would pull out due-diligence check-lists and formulas as well as assessments - very different. But if we are talking about more than 90% of people, and what most people want, then this is a fair generalization.)
As Feifer writes, "change happens in four phases - Panic, Adaptation, New Normal, and then Wouldn’t Go Back." Part of accepting change, is knowing which phase you're in. Or accepting that you don't know - that can be okay too. Goal fulfillment, is keeping thoughts, feelings, activities, on the desired goal. Don't look to the side. Don't look back. Like a race car driver, you keep looking forward. That's how you get there.
Much Heart, N
If this article impacted you positively, feel free to let me know. If you're an editor with comments, also feel free to share. If you'd like to connect with me on Twitter or Instagram: @walliserglobal.
