In Silicon Valley early 2000's, I wanted to take classes & excel in business. Social scenes disinterested me, which I remember some people taking offense to; which had never been my intention.I wanted to build a map of human responses & spent years interviewing, researching; with MD's, establishing realistic models for what they looked like, in the anthropological field. My motive, for me, was grace. I still can fail. My motive for others, was wanting to accurately know the truth, whether they told me or not.
I finished that multi-yr project in 2017, feeling it was good.
Next, I consulted w/an heir about his biz goals, but noticed misunderstandings, which made no sense to me inside the framework. I took a step back & still did not know. Later, he told me, so I got it.
I did end up, discovering that which made me laugh. I had such a desire to excel w/o slowing down, that I'd basically been extracting "deal-breakers" from psychology, linguistics & mgmt training. If I felt certain ways w/others, the "correct" thing, is to slow down, create space, a pause.
Sometimes, it's a NO for me & I'm slightly jealous of men who can successfully say it, vs how it's received when from a women.
The "right" solution, is to say "No", modulate tone, emotion. Everything, including a no, can be simple & still invite a human appreciation.
Instead, the habit I developed, was to go down the "list" of strategies, employing them, until the other said No for me. Phew! What a relief!
Next, I wanted to elicit "no's", w/body movement & facial expressions alone. Dr. Frank Mesme, has a body of work, in this area.
I met an owner recently. Curious, we talked in person & I agreed to go on a date. When I arrived, the framework was different than he'd said, so I left. Spending my time on me, was more important than trying to get to why he lied. It didn't matter, just wasn't a good match.
He didn't realize I was leaving as I knew. But, he did see my patterns, knew what they were, which made me grin from ear to ear & give him a big hug as I said goodbye.
Of the masses I meet, he saw this about me, when few recognize. This, I found valuable.
He saw, as it's in him too. Linguistics, Body Language, Assessing.
Instead of normal "bye", annoyed he hadn't been straight w/me, I used a linguistic method.
He looked at me. Didn't respond. First time with that strategy.
He paused, then uttered 1 word: the technique's name.
I smiled. It was perfect.
I love everybody, but am more driven by work, seeing value & freedom in only answering to myself.
Our subconscious direction & what we feel are strong drivers. If you don't know how to describe your truth, then actions will portray what it is. I keep picking me & my freedom.
That being said, I will buy a home this year. It took me forever to recognize, where I want to be. Inside my home, I'll start to slowly be interested, in building bonds with the local community around me. Enriching, lifelong connections, with beautiful grounded people.
